Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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