headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
