i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
