I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i would one night stand the shit outta him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
