I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
