he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
