I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
