I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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