Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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