You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I want her autograph on my taint
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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