I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
