Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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