1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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