the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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