I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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