Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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