i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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