pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
