I must be too annoying 4 u.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
