She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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