There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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