my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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