He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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