Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
