Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
