Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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