can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
