She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
