We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
its liver damage thursday
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