I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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