Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize