what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
