your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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