I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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