I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
