I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
