hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
