you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
