i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
