We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We need to get me chipped asap
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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