Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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