I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
