okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
