i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
