How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
