Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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