I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
