mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize