Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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