I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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