Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
