Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
