Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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