I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
