As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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