You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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