we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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