How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
