Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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