Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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