I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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