At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
