i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
