threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We left the knife in your bed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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