My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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