but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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