I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
