Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
