So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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