Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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