Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
