I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Pooping to opera.
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