An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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