Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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