I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
