Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize