Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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