Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
