Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
