Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My liver just broke up with me...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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