I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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