Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
