Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
