I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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